Rebirth
by tinylexie
Summary: Darken Rahl's thoughts when he is resurrected in "Walter."


**I have spent my whole life**

**Tottering between life and death. **

**I died as an infant,**

**But I was then brought back**

**By the breath of life.**

**At a young age,**

**I killed myself for power,**

**Power to protect myself against the Seeker.**

**I became a baneling.**

**I was required to kill**

**In order to have the power that I desired.**

**It was the deal that I made with the Keeper.**

**I embraced death, so that I could live.**

**Is that not ironic?**

**I have survived many assassination attempts.**

**I have been closed to death on several occasions,**

**Barely escaping with my life. **

**Oh, yes, I know all about life and death.**

**I fought to preserve my life,**

**Because even though I served the Keeper,**

**I was not in a hurry**

**To return to his embrace of death.**

**I wanted to live.**

**I only gave my soul to the Keeper**

**Because I wanted to live.**

**I never wanted death,**

**But death was necessary for life.**

**Despite all my efforts,**

**Despite the pain that I put myself through**

**When I bargained with the Keeper**

**In the torments of the underworld,**

**It was not enough.**

**I died.**

**Life is such a fragile thing.**

**At first,**

**I wondered why I fought so hard **

**To stay alive.**

**I was frightened that the Keeper**

**Would be angry at me**

**Because I had failed him,**

**But the Keeper was pleased with me.**

**I have never before had anyone**

**Be as pleased with me**

**As the Keeper was.**

**To think, **

**All that I needed to do**

**To win a father's acceptance**

**Was to simply die.**

**All I had to do was die,**

**And suddenly I had finally **

**Made someone happy with me.**

**Surely I belonged at the Keeper's side.**

**Even though I was dead,**

**I was finally happy,**

**For I had finally done something right,**

**And I had finally found acceptance.**

**As much as I had wanted to live**

**My whole life,**

**I've always felt unnatural**

**In my mortal body.**

**I wonder if it's because**

**I was never meant to exist.**

**My happiness in the underworld**

**Was short-lived.**

**After I learned**

**That the Keeper had used me,**

**I couldn't help but think**

**That if I was never meant to live,**

**Then I was never meant to die either.**

**I suddenly did not feel**

**Like I belonged in the underworld,**

**Just like I have never felt like I belonged**

**In the world of the living.**

**I'm not sure where I belong.**

**I feel like an empty void, an unnatural thing.**

**All I know **

**Is that I definitely don't belong at the Keeper's side.**

**I wanted to live again,**

**So that I could have my vengeance against the Keeper.**

**Life and death both became meaningless to me,**

**But I now had a purpose:**

**To deny the Keeper utter destruction of all life.**

**I have never truly embraced death,**

**And I'm not about to start doing so now.**

**I needed to live again.**

**I returned to the world of the living,**

**Seeking vengeance,**

**But I quickly found something else.**

**My spirit is in a body with no magic,**

**For even though Walter**

**Looked like me,**

**He did not have Rahl blood;**

**And Rahls get their magic from their blood.**

**I am also wearing rags, prisoner clothes,**

**So different from the royal clothes**

**Than I had been used to**

**While I had been living before.**

**I am also surrounded by enemies,**

**People that would have liked nothing more**

**Than to see me die again.**

**But none of those things mattered to me.**

**I didn't care that I have any power.**

**I have sought power my whole life,**

**But all of a sudden it no longer mattered.**

**The desire for power has done nothing**

**But cause me great pain and agony.**

**Clothes also became meaningless.**

**It is the spirit that defines a person,**

**Not their flesh.**

**It is my spirit that has given me the ability**

**To endure all the miseries of my life.**

**My flesh had been of no help at all.**

**My flesh, in fact, has been subjected to pain.**

**I am more than familiar**

**With the touch of an Agiel,**

**And that would have never happened**

**If I had not been of the flesh.**

**The spirit can suffer as well,**

**The Keeper showed me that;**

**But the spirit is eternal,**

**While the flesh is only temporary.**

**The presence of my enemies**

**Did not bother me either.**

**I was not at all nervous,**

**Even though the people surrounding me**

**Had fought so hard to kill me.**

**I didn't even think about the irony**

**That my greatest enemies, my killers,**

**Had been forced against their will**

**To bring me back to life,**

**The last thing **

**That they would have ever**

**Wanted to do.**

**I wasn't thinking about them at all.**

**I might as well have been alone.**

**I was in the woods,**

**So different from all my palaces,**

**So different from the underworld;**

**And I remembered just how much**

**I preferred outdoors to indoors,**

**How much I preferred**

**Nature over enclosed places.**

**I look up at the night sky.**

**Has night always been this beautiful?**

**I am a creature of the darkness,**

**But I have night for granted.**

**After being dead for months,**

**Night has never been more wonderful.**

**After being dead for months,**

**Life has never been more wonderful.**

**Life may be a fragile thing,**

**But it should never be taken for granted;**

**For death is not the sweet release**

**That some people make it out to be.**

**I feel the fresh air all around me.**

**My lungs are filled with it.**

**Fresh air is a sweet thing.**

**The air in the underworld is foul,**

**And it's not just from the naked bodies**

**Or just from the eternal fires.**

**The smell of death is poison**

**Compared to the smells of life. **

**Why have I always taken fresh air for granted?**

**I had fought so hard to live,**

**But I had never appreciated **

**What being alive means.**

**I only thought I had.**

**How disgustingly ironic is that?**

**I'm an unnatural spirit in an unnatural body,**

**But for the first time in my life,**

**I feel natural.**

**I feel like I belong in these filthy rags,**

**In these woods;**

**And yes,**

**I even feel like I belong **

**With my present company.**

**For the first time in my life,**

**I am not terrified of death,**

**I am not terrified of anything.**

**For the first time in my life,**

**I am not feeling any pain, any angst,**

**Nor am I feeling any bitterness, any anger.**

**For the first time in my life,**

**I am at peace,**

**Sweet, blissful peace.**


End file.
